I am not telling anyone what to do, and I am not an aliyah evangelist (weird juxtaposition of words, I know). I know aliyah is a tough decision, and even perhaps an impossible one when one has family elsewhere.
I'm not patting myself on the back, either. We made aliyah because our daughters came first and paved the way and made (and are still making) things easier for us. Yes, we'd always thought of it, thought it would be nice, etc. But of course with our parents and the rest of our family in the States, we thought, how could we leave everything. When our friends left on aliyah, we always explained to ourselves why of course THEY could do it but WE couldn't...right now...
Yet I have to admit that living in the States, there was always some level of inner guilt that we hadn't actually just done it. When we wrote to our friends here, or called them, we were jealous that they were THERE, in the place that we knew we were supposed to be. We'd hear lectures about the mitzvah of living in Israel and felt guilty. We heard about the wars and watched the news and felt guilty. We knew that, in a perfect world, we should be there, and that was always there in the back of our minds.
So, life happened and we finally got here. Then I kept feeling guilty and I couldn't figure out why, for many months. Then it hit me - I felt guilty that we hadn't made aliyah as a young family and raised our kids here. I felt guilty that I had not been among the pioneers who built the country. I felt like I had missed something and could never get it back.
Finally, this year on Yom Haatzmaut and Yom Hazikaron, I think some of that guilt is falling away. No, I didn't come here as a teenager and build the country. And no, unfortunately we didn't raise our kids here.
What I am coming to realize slowly is that I don't feel guilty anymore about the big issue - the part about coming to live here. It is hard to explain unless you are actually living here, and please don't thing I'm being snooty or anything. It's just one of those "naaseh v'nishma" things - you have to do it to understand it.
When you are here you are part of a solution, part of a future of the Jewish people. You ARE doing something, just by making the statement that this is where you live. Israel is the future of our people and I am no longer a bystander, watching from across the ocean while this country grows - feeling proud, but not in any real way being a part of it.
I am here, doing a very small bit to help. Finally. Time to stop feeling guilty. Well, about that anyway, because there is SO much more to feel guilty about but that's for another kind of blog....
I'm not patting myself on the back, either. We made aliyah because our daughters came first and paved the way and made (and are still making) things easier for us. Yes, we'd always thought of it, thought it would be nice, etc. But of course with our parents and the rest of our family in the States, we thought, how could we leave everything. When our friends left on aliyah, we always explained to ourselves why of course THEY could do it but WE couldn't...right now...
Yet I have to admit that living in the States, there was always some level of inner guilt that we hadn't actually just done it. When we wrote to our friends here, or called them, we were jealous that they were THERE, in the place that we knew we were supposed to be. We'd hear lectures about the mitzvah of living in Israel and felt guilty. We heard about the wars and watched the news and felt guilty. We knew that, in a perfect world, we should be there, and that was always there in the back of our minds.
So, life happened and we finally got here. Then I kept feeling guilty and I couldn't figure out why, for many months. Then it hit me - I felt guilty that we hadn't made aliyah as a young family and raised our kids here. I felt guilty that I had not been among the pioneers who built the country. I felt like I had missed something and could never get it back.
Finally, this year on Yom Haatzmaut and Yom Hazikaron, I think some of that guilt is falling away. No, I didn't come here as a teenager and build the country. And no, unfortunately we didn't raise our kids here.
What I am coming to realize slowly is that I don't feel guilty anymore about the big issue - the part about coming to live here. It is hard to explain unless you are actually living here, and please don't thing I'm being snooty or anything. It's just one of those "naaseh v'nishma" things - you have to do it to understand it.
When you are here you are part of a solution, part of a future of the Jewish people. You ARE doing something, just by making the statement that this is where you live. Israel is the future of our people and I am no longer a bystander, watching from across the ocean while this country grows - feeling proud, but not in any real way being a part of it.
I am here, doing a very small bit to help. Finally. Time to stop feeling guilty. Well, about that anyway, because there is SO much more to feel guilty about but that's for another kind of blog....
Do you have a sensor in my brain? Since I made aliyah I feel so guilty that I didn't do it earlier; didn't serve in the army or sherut leumi; didn't come at the start of my career...
ReplyDeleteI just keep reminding myself that I am finally here, thank God. But I'm not sure if that feeling will ever go away.
I feel more of an intense "must get there now". Although, July is rapidly approaching...
ReplyDeleteDovid Cohen
www.theisraelink.com
Good point! I am always impressed with people who make aliyah in the summer - I mean, do they get off the plane and think, "uh oh."
DeleteIt's not so much guilt,then worry. I used to worry about my son and his family being in Israel,now I'm more worried about being here in America.Maryland is run by the General Asylum (ASSembly).
ReplyDeletewaiting for my daughter to graduate from HS and find a suitable
place to live and accommodate our Mentally Disabled son there.
Hashem has seen us through before, and he will I'M'H again and always.
Hi, Alice, thanks for commenting! Good luck to you and your children, and you are right, it's all in Hashem's hands anyway....
DeleteShalom Susan! I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed reading your posts! In the past week or so I have read your entire blog! I have laughed through some posts, cried through others and a few times both laughed & cried through the same post. G-d willing my family & I will be making Aliyah in the next 12-15 months. Your blog has offered such inspiration & I have enjoyed living vicariously through your stories. I am hoping to make Aliyah to Modiin so I appreciate what I've learned about the area from your descriptions. I hope to meet you someday when I get to Israel. Secondly, I will be spending my summer living/working in Chicago. I know you have other family there & was hoping that they could perhaps assist me in finding a synagogue to call home for the summer. I've done some researching online & reading synagogue web pages but would appreciate some inside perspective from someone living there. I didn't see any contact info on your blog so I didn't know how else to reach you so I'm leaving a comment. If you would send me an email I would appreciate it. My e-mail is ardentlily (at) gmail (dot) com. Shalom Aleichem to you & your family! -Abigail
ReplyDeleteDon't you always feel though that at almost any age (except early childhood) that when one makes Aliyah, that you are always a bit of an outsider to native born Israelis. They run the show here in almost every respect. I've spoken to many Olim here-some who have been here 30 years or more- and they tell me they remain outside of the Israeli mainstream even if they speak Modern Hebrew well. They've come to terms with this second-class status as I have,but lets state the way it really is here. Olim don't run the show here and it's time we start accepting reality.
ReplyDeleteAlso to say that one is "making the Jewish future here." I just wonder does that mean one is furthering the Jewish future here in the Middle East or is making an Israeli future. I don't believe the two identities are synonymous.
jeff@kefintl.com
Hi, Jeff - I agree with you that we will always be outsiders, but I feel so much less of an outsider here than I did in the US. As for the Jewish future, good point - but I wasn't trying to make a political point, just an emotional one! Thanks for commenting.
DeleteThanks for replying, I guess I can see your point of having felt like being an outsider myself in the U.S. I guess I would just add that, although content here, I also feel like an outsider here as well but that's OK for me.
ReplyDeletejeff@kefintl.com