Sunday, August 4, 2013

Lamed Tet....Halachot of Our Marriage

Today we celebrate our 39th anniversary.  It does NOT seem like just yesterday that we were married - these have been 39 very full, busy years - good stuff, bad stuff, sad, happy, blah blah.

So in honor of the occasion I have created 39 halachot for our marriage.  Some repeat, which is OK because it is my blog and I get to make the rules.

1.Laugh. A lot.
2.Nothing is that important.
3.Don’t assume.
5.Watch a lot of television
6.Watch a lot of violent shows
7.Watch a lot of violent movies
8.Appreciate “I Love Lucy” as the best show ever.
9.Read during dinner (when the kids are grown and out of the house).
10.Don’t throw away the foil square that is used for instant oatmeal cooking.
11.Keep the toilet seat down.
12.Make sure the tablecloth is even.
13.Make sure the blanket is even.
14.Allow the other person to clean out your pocketbook.
15.Go to lots of malls.
16.Make aliyah.
17.Agree that “Breaking Bad” is the best TV show ever.
18.Agree that “The Wire” is the best TV show ever.
19.Always watch “Dr. Zhivago” when it is on TV.
20.Scratch the other person’s back whenever they want you to.
21.Never mind #20, it ain’t gonna happen.
23.Share your popcorn.
24.Get cable (when the kids are grown and out of the house)
25.Only one person gets to worry at a time. The other person has to say it is going to be all right even though the other person does not believe it. And the first person knows that the other person doesn’t believe it.
26.Go out to restaurants. A lot.
27.Finally get a bright red car.
29.Enjoy the other person’s socks.
30.When the other person says, “You know what they say….” you have to answer “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humidity.” Every. Single. Time.
31.Laugh at the stupid jokes that you have heard for 39 years. And mean it.
32.Still feel a little excited when the other person comes in the door. Just a little, it’s enough.
33.Know that with all of his/her annoying habits, obnoxious traits, and gross bodily activities, you do not want to live with anyone else.
34.Laugh at just the thought of his/her annoying habits, obnoxious traits, and gross bodily activities.
36.Watch the other person when they don’t know you are watching and think, “Huh. I guess he/she is ok.” Do this at least on your anniversary.
37.Congratulate yourselves that your kids did not grow up to be serial murderers. If your kids did grow up to be serial murderers, forgive yourselves, it wasn’t your fault.
38.Don’t look at pictures from when you were young. It’s depressing and you’re so not that person anymore anyway.